Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
