So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
