I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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