life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
