how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
