when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
