I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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