Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
