I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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