She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
