Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
