why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
