suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
