i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
