Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
