My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
