he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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