Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
