Define "chronic" masturbator.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
