I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
