i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
