I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
