Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
