Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
