WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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