My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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