Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
