My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
