I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
