My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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