Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
