Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
