Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
