she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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