I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
