Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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