Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Drake has all the answers
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
