Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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