I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dick very happy bro
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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