So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
