I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
