Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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