you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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