What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
