so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You ruined the universe
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
