Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
