totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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