i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
