I need help removing her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Never joke about your clitoris.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
