did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
