dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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