And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
