I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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