if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
