Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
