We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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