He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
