So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
