it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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