Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
