he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
