Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pooping to opera.
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